random thoughts

Why I want you Back

First thing first, don’t assume that this is another letter of the cry baby you’ve known.  I’ve written a lot, don’t you think I’ve moved on with everything that happened? This is definitely not about my agonies, how I wished you are still with me to feel those breathless kisses and gentle touches on my face. Or body, I guess? I had enough of that. But yes, I still want you back. Not because I would like to beg, prove you that we could be better together and we can be the best couple in the world. I need you back, ‘cause I need to transfer my sufferings to you. I want to make you feel that leaving me was the worst decision you’ve made in your life, and it can only be done if your presence is around.

For heaven’s sake, never tell me that it was my fault because I walked away. I gave you a lot of chances. I gave a lot, like hints saying we could give it a try. I’ve sent both direct and indirect messages telling you that I want us, and we could seek the beauty hiding behind us. But you ditched me. You were so busy with whatever you are doing. Or did you just pretended? I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. The point is, you never took the chance. You ignored me. And with all these that happened, all I know is you are a fool to do that.

So come over, or since you have that pride showcased in front of your face, I can come. Seriously and actually, I could. I could if that’s the way to prove you that you are wrong.  I will achieve the best look for my face. I will dress up like someone you’ve never seen before. I will do a makeover, and I won’t hesitate showing it to you, because in that way I can tell you I’ve changed. I’ve changed, not just physically, but also emotionally. I was over you, and you should see that for yourself. I can be beautiful, more beautiful though you exited from my life.

We still need to meet, not because we should talk, but because I wanted to show you how brave I have become. I will never be the same girl following the trails you’ve left behind. It is me now, in fact willing to overtake the road you are heading to. I can snob you the way you ditched my feelings. And I won’t care a single thing about you, if you think that I’m still the one dreaming about everything we could become.

You don’t care, right? Prove me. Once we meet again, never throw those fake, flirtatious words about me as if you care. Shut up, who cares about those trash talks you are saying. I’m not one of the girls you thought that fancied you. I am different, you can fool them, and the past me, but not who I am today.  Despite my looks, achievements and other things I’ll work on, do not care. Cause that’s you, right? You don’t care? Well, let me show you the best version of myself, and I challenge you not to give attention to any of it. Don’t compliment me, don’t feel happy or me. Just don’t do the things you should have done before.

Are you now there? I don’t know, but give me signals, alright? I just wanted to make sure that what I am now is the version I wanted you to see. I’m almost there, I’m done throwing away the stupid things I’ve thought and done before. Just give me a second to fix this little mess left, and I’m done. I want you back, yes, please. You need to watch out the new me– someone you won’t realize that I’m a girl from your past, if ever I became part that past. Was I invisible? Whatever. I don’t care anyway. What’s only clear to me is that I want you back.


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