First of all, I will not deny how hurtful it had been when you decided to leave. It had been a series of incomprehensible feelings, moving on dramas, and ups and downs thoughts about you. It was both stressful and tiring that my heart and soul gave up. My own self realized that I can’t fight for something if you yourself is on the opposite side.
But let me make it clear that now I’m over with everything – everything about you. I am happy now with whatsoever going on with my life and I’m busy doing the things I love.
I admit that I was hurt, but I was also grateful with that experience with you. Thank you for having exited my thoughts and showing who you really are. I feel so free not thinking about our supposed-to-be-relationship. Why would I if it will never happen? Let me remind you that you are selfish — it is only you who wanted to be loved.
Would you like to know what happened after we stopped talking (aka. after you took me for granted)? You have no choice, I will tell you anyway. I know that you have to. So first, imagine myself crying a river every day. I always asked myself what was wrong with me. For majority of people, I am the ideal type for having a beautiful smile and very good grades. I guess you didn’t see that. Do you know that days before we meet on gatherings, I plan every detail of my clothes and makeup? I wanted to look more beautiful in front of you especially that in their eyes, “we are a thing.” I never wanted to be an embarrassment to you –I dressed up, spent hours thinking and doing those stuff, only to see you glance over me. But that’s all. You may say you are impressed, but both your voice and eyes were dead. Every time, you just made sure you acknowledged me.
I also told myself (a lot of times) to give us another chance. Cause we were “sweet” to each other, right? I hope you didn’t forget the time you chatted me on Christmas eve, when you said the sweetest things whenever we were teased, and when you reacted love on my posts. Most of all, don’t forget my letters which you said were kept in a box. I let myself think you are keeping it because they were special (but they’re not). My letters, written with overwhelmed and grateful heart, were actually treated as collectibles. You are waiting for more because “it was nice of me,” you liked the fact that someone is adoring you. How many have I sent you, by the way? See, I didn’t know. I would have answered my question if you only replied on those. But it was a one-way communication. It was me saying lots of things, but ended up not knowing more about you. I needed your response, I needed to hear how valuable I am to you, but you just can’t say any. Because maybe, there was really none.
Why do you think do these matter? Simple answer: Because you still didn’t realize how crazy I went over you, and how you literally give no care at all with the things I did. I was not really expecting you to love me back, but I would have appreciated it if you just said thank you for everything. But there was no gentleman act that happened. All I hear were “that’s great,” “nice of me,” and other insulting feedback as if you deserve and expect me to do all of those all the time. Please, I am not a student who desired to receive an A+ from her professor. All I wanted was a simple thank you and other kind words of appreciation, if there will never be chance of receiving I love you.
Now it all mattered to me. The supposed-to-be-compliments, the love reacts –you only did those because you wanted me to stay. You want me to stand by as a girl who likes you. You wanted me to adore you – maybe forever? But I can’t, you should have known that. I won’t be at your side forever, trying to impress you when I will never have a chance to get back the efforts I am giving. I am not a spoon who will feed you forever.
Now I saw you dating another girl. I don’t care who she was because I am not concerned and jealous anyway. Neither I care about your future with her, because what I care about is your attitude. It has been months the last time we talked. I hope, however it happened, that you have changed. Like me, that girl is not someone who could stand by your side and love you forever for nothing. I hope you will realize that the number of achievements you get does not give you credit to act and feel more special than anyone else. Lots of people love you, and I hope you give them back what they deserve. Love is meant to be shared, not owned.