life, love, random thoughts

Why I don’t have a boyfriend

Here’s a quick rundown on why I still don’t have a boyfriend. The realizations came out with the help of my good friend and future “colleague,” whose name will be acknowledged here as Mary.

  1. I post high standards

I see myself as someone worthy that I think I deserve to be with someone who’s worthy as well (in my eyes).  I always say that as much as possible, he should be of the same level or wavelength with me so we could be perfect together. Basic criteria would say that I want him to be caring, God-fearing, loving, and family-oriented. But I also wanted someone who perform excellently in academics, someone who have a passion in learning, has a respectable social prestige and wealth. While Mary said that it was too ideal and perfect, I think that I can never really accept to be with someone who can’t be on the same level with me. I think I just also wanted to be cautious with the tendency that one of us could be intimidated, especially on matters of intellect and achievement.

  1. I don’t give chances

If I already anticipate that we can’t be together, I immediately step back so neither of us could have a deeper attachment. Just because I saw that this is his profile, and this is how he act, I easily close the doors if I didn’t have the feel to be with him. For me, there’s no point of proving yourself if I don’t see you as a potential partner. I always trust my instincts.

  1. I get tired too easily

Let’s say that I welcomed the guy and flirted him back. Although it is fun, and at some point fulfilling because the feelings are genuine, I can’t have the consistency. The first weeks and months would be okay, but I noticed that when the third or fourth month comes I become a different person again. I could be happy with clingy messages during the first weeks, but sooner it appears nothing and annoying for me. I can’t really maintain my sweetest efforts because for some reason it’s really tiring. I see relationships as a responsibility and not just a connection. Unfortunately, that responsibility tires me out.

  1. I still believe in the concept of soulmate

I still don’t understand that a relationship is a work in progress. I am expecting that my boyfriend would be someone so charismatic that I would know right from the start that he is the one for me. And if I didn’t feel that, I become uncertain between us even if we already started flirting each other. Oftentimes, I get to know the person but I do not really discover his true self because it is I who start building the walls (again, it’s because I didn’t feel ‘that’ thing which tells me that he is my soulmate).

  1. I’m uncertain about my maturity

The truth is, even I’ve been with several affairs and I take up a subject about Family and Marriage, I don’t know if I’m ready to invest in a relationship. They say that there are a lot of trials and complicated stuff – how certain am I that I could handle those? I know I am a strong person and that I can properly process my thoughts, but I am also not sure if I could be that person if I’m already in a relationship.  I am confident about my knowledge and I trust my superficial experiences, but I still have doubts. I think I am ready but Mary said that I could only confirm it if I’m already there.

 

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